Resident Evil Villain Awards
by Vampuric Spider
Summary: The award show for villains has some strange moments. Mentions various characters from Resident Evil/OC/Prisonerksc2-303


**Hi Vampuricspider again writing a story dedicated to ****Prisonerksc2-303because she inspired me with her great story ****Adventures in RPD. I suggest you read it. Well without further ****ado I present her and everyone else with this story. Oh by the way, I do not own any characters from resident evil or Prisonerksc2-303. I do own ****Laraby however. (For more about Laraby please read A Bad Day or the author's note at the end of the story) **

"Laraby!" Wesker shouted at him for the umpteenth time today.

"What do you want this time?" Laraby responded in an irked voice. "Didn't I tell you I had dance practice this evening?"

"Uh…well you did, but tonight is a very special night." Wesker responded.

"Why?" Laraby asked.

"Well…it is the first ever REVA's" Wesker said to Laraby as though he was supposed to understand what the acronym meant.

"Come again?" Laraby asked gritting his teeth and trying desperately to not lose his temper.

"Why my son, it stands for the Resident Evil villain awards, and I selected you to be the MC" Wesker told him.

"You evil piece of shit! I knew it! You did this to me purposefully knowing that I had dance practice this evening!" Laraby shouted at Wesker.

"Yes I did. Muwahahahahahah. Oh and by the way, the ceremony starts in half an hour" Wesker said to Laraby in a calm and composed tone.

"Fine I will be ready in five minutes" Laraby told Wesker as he headed toward his room. Inside Laraby's room he headed straight to his dresser and pulled out his black dress shirt, black dress pants, black socks and underwear. Laraby then walked to his closet and pulled out a black suit and got it on as quickly as he could. After finishing dressing himself, Laraby headed down the stairs and headed to the garage. While heading down the stairs, Laraby's phone rang and a few seconds later he had an evil smile on his face. Laraby then met Wesker in the garaged and they climbed into Wesker's black Ferrari and sped off to the assembly hall.

"I hope you have a program designed to keep the audience entertained" Wesker warned him.

"Don't worry dad, I'll wing it and it will sound rehearsed" Laraby told Wesker confidently.

"That is good to know" Wesker said as he leaned back in the passenger seat. After the conversation Laraby drove the rest of the way to the auditorium in silence. Because Laraby was speeding, he managed to get there in about twenty minutes. After arriving, the two got out of the black Ferrari and were greeted by the many monsters and antagonists of the Resident Evil universe. Wesker and Laraby were also greeted by a loud high pitched screech.

"Great" Laraby thought that can only mean one thing, a fangirl managed to somehow get on the invited list. And sure enough, there was one. She was dressed in black jeans, a black t-shirt and was wearing black sunglasses. She also dyed her hair blonde. When she saw Wesker she let out another high pitched scream.

"Oh my God, it's him!" Shrieked the insanely happy fan girl known as Prisonerksc2-303. (Since that is such a long name we shall refer to her as Tina). Going back to the story Wesker took a look at her and shouted…

"Holly Shit!"

"I know dad. That is what you would like if you were a girl" Laraby said laughing.

"What's that supposed to…" Before Wesker could finish his question, Tina dashed over to him and tried to squeeze him with a hug of doom.

"Help!" Wesker screamed as he tried desperately to escape the hugs of the rabid fangirl. Laraby could not contain his laughter as he watched Wesker try to squirm free. This went on for about two minutes until…

"Unacceptable!" Screamed Alfred in his high pitched annoying voice. "We are here for a ceremony not to be harassed by strange people" Alfred continued.

"I know but come on Alfie…"

"Don't call me that you ingrate!" Alfred shouted.

"Fine, as I was saying Alfred is this not funny though. Seeing Wesker in…Oh the bell that means its time for the ceremony to start" Laraby said. With that Laraby led the way as Wesker, Tina and the rest of the Resident Evil antagonists followed through the door into the spacious room. Everyone went to their respective spots, Laraby on the stage and everyone else in their own seats. Once everyone was seated, melancholy music began playing on the stereo system. After the lovely intro, Laraby grabbed the microphone to begin the show.

"Hello everybody, welcome to the first ever REVA's I am your host Laraby and tonight promises to be a spectacular event. For tonight, we see which resident evil villains will win in each of the respective categories. Well without further ado let's start shall we? O.K. here we go, the first award is for notorious creature and here to present the award is a random zombie" Laraby said. As he moved out of the way a random zombie shuffled forward to the tremendous applause of the audience. When the zombie finally reached the microphone he lowered his head and said…

"UUUUUUUUUUUUaaaaaaaaaaaa"

"What does that mean?" asked Birkin.

"O.K. here is the translation on the screen so everyone please look up" Laraby said. Everyone looked up and saw the translation which said…

"There are many random monsters like us who are what make the world a scary place. Here are the nominees. Zombies, Cerberus, Hunters and Plagas" The zombie said.

"Muuuhhhhahahahuuu" The Zombie said next which translated to, "The winner is the Cerberus!" Everyone applauded and the Cerberus got out of its seat and wagged its tail. Then it howled, and it bounded up to the stage.

"We have a very special surprise for the winner." Wesker said with an evil and sadistic grin on his face. The Cerberus's ears perked up when Wesker made the announcement and the creature wagged its tail happily. After the happy response from the Cerberus, Wesker unveiled the prize. Joseph Frost a member of Stars was tied up and squirming trying to get free. The Cerberus smelled him and bounded up to the stage with teeth gnashing. Wesker and Laraby barely dogged the charging Cerberus who quickly began biting and tearing into Joseph's flesh and skin. After Laraby and Wesker regained their balance Laraby turned to the Cerberus and said… "Uhh...Mr. Cerberus…" "Grrrr" The Cerberus growled at Laraby thinking that he would take away his treat. As if reading the Cerberus's mind Laraby assured it that, "I will not take your treat, but we need the stage clear so we can continue presenting awards." "MMMM mmm mmm" The Cerberus whined in response, and began dragging the carcass of Joseph Frost off the stage. "Good boy" Laraby said in a cute pitched voice toward the Cerberus. "Roof" The Cerberus responded happily as it finally managed to drag Joseph off the stage. Laraby then turned to the audience to announce the next category. "The next category is a very special one. I am sure the guys in the audience will appreciate this one as well. This is the award for best female villain in Resident Evil. Here to present the award is other **Alexia Ashford" **Laraby announced. This made **Alexia frustrated. She then began bitching to **Laraby… "Excuse me, but there is only one **Alexia Ashford."** "**I know, but you might want to check the stage" **Laraby responded.

"What are you talking…" Alexia stopped asking when she looked up at the stage. There she saw someone in her same exact outfit. Alexia turned livid, her face flushed bright crimson and she shouted at the Alexia on stage…

"Alfred!"

"Yes my beloved sister"

"How many times do I have to tell you Alfred, do not go into my room and wear my stuff?!" Alexia screamed.

"But Alexia…"Alfred began to whine.

"No buts Alfred" Alexia responded coldly.

"O.k. I won't do it again" Alfred said in a resigned tone. As amusing as this exchange was Laraby had to get the show moving again. So he turned to the two bickering siblings and asked them… 

"Could we please move on with the category and not argue about Alfred's freaky behavior of cross dressing?"

"O.k." The Ashford twins said.

"Thank you" Laraby told them. Alfred then began his little speech.

"There are many femme fatales in this world, but these heartless women are the ones that make Resident Evil what it is. Here are the nominees for most dangerous villainess, **Alexia Ashford****, ****Annette Birkin, Jill Valentine, Ada Wong and **Excella Gionne. And the winner is…oh my gosh it's…"

"Hurry up Alfred!" The collective audience screamed.

"Fine. You guys really hate the suspense. The winner is **Alexia Ashford. Yeah!" Alfred shouted. As the spotlight shown down on Alexia, there was a very angry women shouting from the back row of the room.**

"I suspect cheating!" Excella shouted. "First off your twin was announcing the awards and second I am more beautiful than anyone in this room" Excella stated while pouting.

"I'm sorry you feel that way Excella dear" Alexia said. With that Alexia's dress slid off in some flame and she appeared in her T-Veronica form (from the Darkside Chronicles). As Alexia gracefully walked up to the stage she snapped her finger and fire encircled Excella.

"You bit…" Excella tried to shout as the flames burnt her quickly. After Excella became a pile of ash, Alexia turned to the other contestants in the category and asked them

"Anyone else have a problem with the outcome?"

All the other nominees shook their heads no.

"Good" Alexia said calmly as she continued her walk to the stage. Once up there she pushed her brother out of the way and grabbed the microphone which she raised to her mouth and addressed the audience.

"Thank you for those who voted for me, and for those who did not well…burn in Hell!" Alexia shouted. She then made a little curtsy and headed off the stage, dragging Alfred along with one of her tentacles.

"Well that was entertaining" Laraby said with a smile. "Also, could someone please clean up that pile of ash" he added. After Laraby said that the random zombie appeared with a vacuum and sucked up the pile of ash which was once Excella Gionne. Once the zombie was done with the cleaning, Laraby looked up at it and said, "Thanks."

"Uaaghhhh" The zombie responded.

"I'll take that as a your welcome" Laraby said. Suddenly there was a shout from the audience…

"Can we continue to the important awards now?!" a loud female voice came.

"Good idea Tina" Laraby said. "Without further a due we will now get on with the show. "Please welcome our next presenter." A man with long white flowing hair and a dark outfit appeared. Laraby took one look at the man and asked the audience…

*"What is Sephiroth doing here?"

"I'mMorpheus…"

"Uh oh he's getting mad if we are not careful, he will use Meteor for 9999 points of damage" Laraby continued.

"Oh my God, I'm seriously Morpheus D. Duvall do I need to prove it to you?" Morpheus asked Laraby.

"Uh…no I thoroughly believe you. Why don't you announce the next category?" Laraby asked.

"I will, humph. Nobody understands real beauty anyway. Anyway, in Resident Evil there are some very interesting villains. You know the ones that are considered freaks by normal standards so here are the nominations for most bizarre Resident Evil villain. The nominees are **James Marcus, Alfred Ashford, Ramon Salazar, Lisa Trevor, Javier Hidalgo and me **Morpheus D. Duvall."Continuing on Morpheus then opened the envelope and announced the winner. "The winner of this category is **Alfred Ashford" announced **Morpheus. After the announcement there was a loud applause by the audience. Unfortunately Alfred still had yet to arrive to receive his award. "Where is Alfred?" Laraby asked. "He is holding up the show." "I know, which is why you should give the award to me" Morpheus said in a sickly sweet voice. "I don't have a problem with doing that, but the other contestants might get pissed off" Laraby told him. "Yeah!" **James Marcus, Ramon Salazar, Lisa Trevor and Javier Hidalgo shouted at **Morpheus. "But…I am trying to move the ceremony along" Morpheus explained to them. "No you're not. You're trying to get the award for yourself you lying piece of…" "Silence!" Wesker shouted at the bickering nominees. "If you can't come up with a way to settle this dispute, I will settle it for you." This threat scared all the bitching nominees to silence. Unfortunately even with Wesker's threat none of the other nominees could figure out how to resolve this dilemma until… "Sorry about all this confusion, but Alfred is a little tied up at the moment. So I will be accepting the award on his behalf" Alexia told everyone. "Prove it!" The nominees shouted. "As you wish" Alexia sighed as she pointed to the side of the stage. The spotlight followed to where she pointed and sure enough there was Alfred suffocated by a giant green tentacle with a look of pure bewilderment on his face. "See?" Alexia asked us. "Yes" all the nominees responded frustrated. "Well, it looks like Alexia will be receiving the award on behalf of Alfred" Laraby said. "Why thank you" Alexia said. With that she curtsied and left the stage dragging Alfred's dead body with her. "What a greedy person" Morpheus said in shock, and everyone nodded in agreement. With that exchange done it was time to move on to the last two categories of the evening. "I hope you all are enjoying this event as well as my Mcing abilities" Laraby said. "Alas, I must turn over my Mcing duty to Wesker for last two categories." "Yeah, My Weskie can do a much better job mcing" Tina said. "I wouldn't be surprised" Laraby responded coolly. "Can we continue?" Wesker asked both of the bickering people. "Sure, sorry" Tina and Laraby said. "That's better. Now like the femme fatales there are many male villains in the Resident Evil story who have dastardly plans to take over the world and have a great sense of style. Here are the nominees for best male villain. The nominees are **James Marcus, Jack Krauser, William Birkin and I, the great Albert Wesker. The winner of the best male villain award goes to William Birkin. Congratulations," Wesker said through gritted teeth as William Birkin headed toward the stage. As he walked to the stage he heard a loud shriek from Tina**

"What the f…."

"Tina, watch your language" Laraby said in a mocked shocked voice.

"What I was going to say fruitcake" Tina said defensively.

"Oh…you can finish Tina"

"Thanks Laraby" Tina said. Then continuing her rant Tina shouted…

"Fruitcake! There is no way in Hell that William is better looking than my Weskie."

"Well I have a lot of fan girls too" Birkin said.

"Oh really?" Tina asked incredulously.

"Yep" Replied Birkin. No sooner than he said that then outside the room there was a lot of high pitched screaming. Everyone could recognize that noise as fan girls yelling. Tina just glared at Birkin and finally said…  
"Fine you have fan girls, but Wesker has more"

"Whatever" Birkin said. Turning to the audience William began his speech.

"Thanks to all those people who voted for me for this prestigious award. I could never have done it without you. Here's to…"

William Birkin had to quickly duck as knives flew at him. He was just about to get up when he had to dive back down as a rocket came at him. Birkin tried to get up again and then a huge torrent of fire came at him. These vicious attacks kept interrupting poor William's speech. As amused as Laraby was watching William suffer the show needed to continue. So he said to Tina…

"Uh…Tina, please stop attacking poor William."

"He did not deserve this prize. My Weskie did!" Tina shouted.

"I know how you feel, but I don't think killing him will change anything" Laraby told her.

"Well it did for Alexia" Tina responded.

"I know, but that was different. Besides there is still one more reward left" Laraby told her.

"Fine" Tina said stuffing her weapons under her chair. While that was going on Laraby and Annettehelped William of the stage. After a few minutes Wesker picked up the microphone and began his speech.

"**We have come to the final award of the evening the most prestigious award of the evening. This award is the culmination of all villainy. This my friends is the award for most evil villain and here are the nominees. The Nominees are Ozwell E. Spencer, William Birkin, James Marcus, Javier Hidalgo, Osmund Saddler, Yawn, I the great Albert Wesker and **Chris Redfield. Huh…how did his name get on this list?" Wesker wondered out loud… The Flashback _Tina snuck into the room where all the lists with each nominee's name. She deliberately walked over to the list with the nominees for most evil villain and inserted Chris Redfield's name on the list. "Kill my Weskie will you. Well if you win I have special surprise for you" Tina thought to herself. "Bwhahahahaha" she chuckled out loud to herself as she slipped out of the room._ End Flashback After Wesker, regained his composer he continued the speech. "Ignoring the last name on the list I will now reveal the most evil villain in all of Resident Evil. The award goes to me, Albert Wesker." After the announcement, there was a loud applause from the collective audience and Laraby. With the amount of enthusiasm given to Wesker by the applause, Wesker began his speech. "It seems you all understand who the true evil villain in Resident Evil is. I thank you all for your support, and to those that have annoyed me I forgive you on this glorious night" Wesker said. Continuing his speech Wesker said, "I have now validated my…" "Hey dad guess what I have a surprise for you" Laraby told him. "What could you mean?" After Wesker asked the question Tina magically appeared on the stage. "My God!" Tina shouted at Wesker in a high pitched voice. "Oh no! Laraby why?!" Wesker asked in a shocked voice. "Well you made me miss my dance practice for this stupid fruit caking award show. I was really pissed and for most of the evening I was wondering how to get even." "But Laraby…" "No buts dad. Dancing is one of the only two good things in my life and you took it away from me. I had two plans already formed. After the award ceremony I was either going to dump you in a volcano or impale you with a sharp pointy object. Then I realized if I did that Capcom, Vampuricspider or some other fan fiction writer would bring you back to life. But then Tina called me and said she really likes you so I figured the best revenge would be to turn you over to a fan girl" Laraby told him. "That way everyone wins!" Tina said enthusiastically. "Except you Wesker. Have fun, muhahahahahahahahaha" Laraby laughed as he left the stage. "Noooooooo!" Wesker shrieked as the curtain came down and Tina held him in her arms. The End

A/N This is my first attempt at a humor story so bare with me. I hope if you read it you will like it. Please review and let me know what I could do better. Also, the Sephiroth joke was something I found on youtube by Shadowleggy. Laraby info for those who are interested **Description of me, (Laraby).**

**Hair: Blond (Duh) **

**Eyes: Violet (Hey I was injected with a virus as well)**

**Facial Features: Normal for a twenty two year old male with a bit of a five o clock shave**

**Body Build: Athletic (Dancer)**

**Hobbies: Dancing and trying to live a normal life**

**Likes: Normal things, dancing and my girlfriend**

**Dislikes: My father (Duh) My chores (Hey if you had to clean up your fathers lab, keep samples of dangerous viruses and feed various experimental pets you would be unhappy too) and my father's "friends" (notice the quotes) **


End file.
